I experience what I call the Inner Director as a kind of inner voice that speaks to me now and then. It’s a super elusive and hard to pin down thing, and even now it’s still ambiguous when I’m interpreting it correctly and if I’m being sure I’m not just talking to myself.
Keep in mind I’m saying “voice” but 99% of the time it isn’t an actual voice. It’s more like an intuition or revelation that comes from within, and it feels different / distinct from my usual inner monologue.
This is definitely something possible to us all, but I think requires years of work, self-criticism, and opening oneself up to this influence. The fact it is so quiet, so elusive, and so hard to distinguish from your own thoughts makes it a rare phenomenon.
Sometimes it manifests as an inner “push” to do something, or a pull not to do something. Other times it will actually vocalize a clear comment / idea. For example after working for my boss very ably for 4 years I received a terrible performance review and felt absolutely awful. This is one of the times I’m relatively confident the Inner Director said something, the simple statement “it’s not going to matter.”
I have to be honest, it’s really not there for me a lot of the time. I will ask it for help or guidance at other times and it will say nothing. It will (apparently) mislead me or lead me to do things that cause suffering. It lets me founder or not have clear direction on what I should do. It seems very random the times I hear it. I assume this is connected is some way to fate / destiny, that even those bad things and the sense of being lost are a part of one’s path.
You may want to read Teresa of Avila’s Inner Castle for more info. I think it is the section on auditions (I forget the exact term she uses). It is common for the mystics of history to experience these things, and they generally rely on their inner voices to guide them. I also think of Socrates’ daimonion which he alluded to at his trial.
If you read the Spanish mystics, they generally counsel that the further the experience is from an actual vision or voice, the better. So, for them the most real experience is one of an intuition. No real verbalization at all.
I don’t know if that source is a spirit guide, a number (ie multiple) of helpers in the nonphysical, or if it is “you”: your higher self. For me I just call it the Inner Director and know that it is the best counselor to follow.
There is a section on this in Evelyn Underhill’s Mysticism. Also, I agree with the person who discussed automatic writing. That is one way that Inner Director manifests for sure. As an artist, IMO the best creative basis is relying on those inspirations that come from that source. The Greeks called it the muses, and it probably plays a role in all great art.
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Reincarnation
A poster wrote:
There are so many reincarnation theories and how karma works. It is so confusing! Which is closest to the truth? How does karma work? Which mistakes or sins respectively lead to punishments like physical defects, mental deseases, autism, discrimination, poverty etc?
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Alexander (Shivaswara) wrote:
I have read everything on the topic over the years, so you might want to read: Plato, the Buddhist sutras, Brian Weiss, Bob Monroe, William Buhlman, the Bhagavad Gita, PD Ouspensky, Ian Stevenson...
Having pondered it for years I don’t think I can give you full clarity. I do certainly believe in reincarnation and believe that we are nonphysical beings that at some point chose to descend here. I think birth brings amnesia with it, and due to that we forget our true spiritual nature, identify falsely with form and matter, and get stuck here.
In regard to karma, I think it’s complex. I think seeing it all as punishment / reward is too simple: but in some cases that is correct. If you smoke, yes you will destroy your lungs. If you commit a murder, it may take 10 or 30 years but eventually you will be punished. There is karma in those ways.
But, karma is also delayed. That makes the world so complicated, where the righteous suffer and the evil prosper. Perhaps you will reap the fruit of your actions in the next life and not in this one. Or, perhaps your actions may catch up with you in 20 years.
The Hindus think if you are well intentioned you are born beautiful and if you are malicious you are born ugly. They think the charitable become wealthy and thieves cast themselves into poverty. They think those who value learning become wise and those who disparage learning become stupid. I remember the line in the Gita where Krishna says “wise souls incarnate in wise wombs and stupid souls in the wombs of fools.” I used to work in the ghetto and (while definitely there are good people there!) the constant shiftless, scheming, lying, stealing, violent ways of the people I met made me feel fate was putting them together for a reason.
In some places in Asia they lack sympathy for the sick / afflicted due to the belief in karma. As I think about that I do much prefer the western sympathy for the ill / suffering as being innocent and think that’s the wiser POV.
I think that both free will and destiny are correct. Perhaps fate may put you into a situation, and then it becomes your choice what you do there. It would be a rather unimpressive cosmos without the existence of either.
Karma I think is an educative force... but there is / can also be some aspect of personal agency in it. For example you may choose to take on the form of an injured person even if that is not necessarily your karma / punishment.
In a lot of ways I also believe in what Job said, that God makes the righteous suffer to no end. It is a very complex world... I don’t know if I helped, haha. :)
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Reincarnation in the Aeneid
A poster wrote:
"And now Aeneas saw a secluded grove in a receding valley, with rustling woodland thickets, and the river of Lethe gliding past those peaceful places. Innumerable tribes and peoples hovered round it: just as, in the meadows, on a cloudless summer’s day, the bees settle on the multifarious flowers, and stream round the bright lilies, and all the fields hum with their buzzing. Aeneas was thrilled by the sudden sight, and, in ignorance, asked the cause: what the river is in the distance, who the men are crowding the banks in such numbers. Then his father Anchises answered: They are spirits, owed a second body by destiny, and they drink the happy waters, and a last forgetting, at Lethe’s stream. Indeed, for a long time I’ve wished to tell you of them, and show you them face to face, to enumerate my children’s descendants, so you might joy with me more at finding Italy. O father, is it to be thought that any spirits go from here to the sky above, returning again to dull matter?’ ‘Indeed I’ll tell you, son, not keep you in doubt,’ Anchises answered, and revealed each thing in order.
THE TRANSMIGRATION OF SOULS
‘Firstly, a spirit within them nourishes the sky and earth, the watery plains, the shining orb of the moon, and Titan’s star, and Mind, flowing through matter, vivifies the whole mass, and mingles with its vast frame. From it come the species of man and beast, and winged lives, and the monsters the sea contains beneath its marbled waves. The power of those seeds is fiery, and their origin divine, so long as harmful matter doesn’t impede them and terrestrial bodies and mortal limbs don’t dull them. Through those they fear and desire, and grieve and joy, and enclosed in night and a dark dungeon, can’t see the light. Why, when life leaves them at the final hour, still all of the evil, all the plagues of the flesh, alas, have not completely vanished, and many things, long hardened deep within, must of necessity be ingrained, in strange ways. So they are scourged by torments, and pay the price for former sins: some are hung, stretched out, to the hollow winds, the taint of wickedness is cleansed for others in vast gulfs, or burned away with fire: each spirit suffers its own: then we are sent through wide Elysium, and we few stay in the joyous fields, for a length of days, till the cycle of time, complete, removes the hardened stain, and leaves pure ethereal thought, and the brightness of natural air. All these others the god calls in a great crowd to the river Lethe, after they have turned the wheel for a thousand years, so that, truly forgetting, they can revisit the vault above, and begin with a desire to return to the flesh.’
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Alexander (Shivaswara) wrote:
Socrates / Plato refer to this same topic IIRC (the Lethe). Thanks for this share for sure. I knew Aeneas went to the underworld, but never knew of this reference in Virgil.
It shows that even in the Western world (the world not influenced by Buddhism / Hinduism), the concept of reincarnation was out there and accessible.
The problem of the Lethe is definitely the biggest one for reincarnation. You forget everything - all your past knowledge / experience - when you take on a human form. It's amnesia.
If we have been returning over and over again across the ages, Socrates was correct in saying all learning is remembering (anamnesis), since we have had all knowledge at some prior point in time.
The disease, aging, and pain of the human condition make incarnation here very questionable, though. Certainly there is much to learn from the difficulty of the human experience: and there is definitely heroism in a human birth, sure, if you can overcome all that adversity and still manage to accomplish something. But I think I prefer the nonphysical domain myself.
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A poster replied:
I believe adversity is why we are here. Our souls crave stories. Without adversity, there is no story.
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Another poster replied:
The soul doesn’t take adversity here particularly seriously. More like a night out to a scary movie or a roller coaster.
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Possible Vietnam Incarnation
A poster wrote:
Oh god I'm suffering right now as I write this. I wanted this to be a dream, a bad nightmare my brain invented. But it's not. I remember my past life. Very clearly and it gets clearer with each passing day. At first it was just glimpses of trees and running. A jungle of some sort. But then I started seeing people. And it turns out I was a very bad person. I distinctly remember being an American soldier during the Vietnam War. I remember committing heinous acts during the war in the name of democracy. Terrible things to men, women and children. It sickens me to my core but I remember these things. You can say this is me just making things up or whatever, but the only thing I can't remember is my name. This of course prevents me from verifying anything. I just have all this regret built up inside. I don't know how I was ever this person, but goddamn does it hurt. I'm so sorry to the descendants of everyone I killed.
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Alexander (Shivaswara) wrote:
If it is true - and verifying would be rough - remember we get that amnesia at birth for a reason. This is a new life, a clean start. Penance and charity don’t hurt if you feel you should. But this is also a life to now be pacific and pure.
That war was one of the most horrible in human history. Everyone today knows it was a tragedy in every capacity. Wrong intentions, misunderstanding, slaughtering and killing. The suffering of the Vietnamese people, and all those young Americans sent to the other side of the world. And you are told you’re there for democracy and freedom: young, ignorant, and impressionable in your 18s and 20s, emotionally disturbed due to the training for war - you can’t take complete accountability for it all. The politicians who sent the sons there deserve blame as well.
And - look at what happened to Vietnam after. One of the bloodiest conflicts of all time, only for the GDP of Vietnam to go from ~5000 to ~500 dollars under communist economic control. The genocide in Cambodia next door. Now, today America and Vietnam realize we should be friends. This is the world...
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Brain Injury
A poster wrote:
I hope everyone is doing well. I want to first apologize for the long-winded post, but I want to lay out all of the details.
For about 5 years now, I have been suffering from somewhat debilitating issues originating from (what I believe were) multiple traumas to my head over the years, leading up to the present day. I believe my brain is damaged and, and every further insult I receive to my head brings on symptoms and anxiety.
Whenever some motion of any degree occurs with my head, I usually begin to worry and I begin to experience manifestations of damage like headache, fogginess, and general malaise. Those are typically the extent of my symptoms. These occurrences can range from me hitting a pothole on the road, (which causes my head to move up or down, forward or back) to my over-ear headphones being suddenly jerked on my head due to it getting caught on something. I don't know if my brain is just more susceptible to damage now, or if this completely made up.
Over the majority of my life, I have experienced odd and intermittent issues such as having trouble breathing, eating, and swallowing. These afflictions, however, have never coincided, and they suddenly stopped being issues one day ( I don't remember why or how). More recently, in the past 5 to 6 years, I have been battling with depression and anxiety. Generally, I get anxious about health-related issues and become depressed in return. (I simply feel damaged an unable to live a fulfilling life) When I reflect on these problems that I experienced, I begin to see how it could possibly be psychosomatic in nature, but the other side of me believes that a brain trauma that occurred when I was young could have caused all of these problems.
The most traumatic incident involving me hitting my head happened when I was about 12 or 13. ( I am 23 now) I was pogo-sticking over concrete and slipped backward and hit the back of my head. Thankfully, I 100% remember where I was what happened before and after, and I never lost consciousness. However, I believe this trauma was the catalyst for all of my problems, cognitively and emotionally. Cognitively, with issues like my sleeping, swallowing, and breathing. And further down the road, the emotional issues of depression and anxiety. My parents tell me that It was nothing major, but that's not how I remember it. I am fortunate to have a caring and attentive family, but unfortunately, they believe everything that I experience is all in my head.
Currently, my family and I are trying to get in touch with a neuro-psychiatrist in order to try and put this whole fiasco to rest.
I would like to add that I have played only a singular season of wrestling ever, and never participated in additional contact sports on top of that. Additionally, I never lost consciousness once during any of these incidents, and I have a complete recollection (painfully so) of every event. The worst that has happened was seeing a momentary flash of light during two separate experiences of trauma involving the back of the head (One was the pogo stick incident). Also, whenever I fixate on my injuries the symptoms seem to become more intense. And wherever I was hit on the head is where the pain occurs and radiates from. I have never been diagnosed with any form of brain trauma, but nor have I ever received a scan to check for one. Furthermore, I am also a recent college graduate (January) with a pretty decent white-collar job, so these issues of mine aren't entirely debilitating.
Any and all responses are appreciated!
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Alexander (Shivaswara) wrote:
You should probably go to the doctor and see what he says. I’m not sure what would show up on an MRI or not. Or, if there’s some other way to figure it out. It does sound like it could have been a “you hit your head, nbd” from your family but you had a TBI all those years.
But, I actually relate to your post a lot. Back in late March I was exposed to a neurotoxin, and I’ve had weird symptoms like you since then. Headache, can’t think clearly, can’t sleep for more than 1 hr, weird depressive/anxiety stuff, heart rate issues, and vibrations in my nervous system. My GP and neuro didn’t think it was the brain, but I’m going for an MRI Monday. It’s rough because the symptoms of brain injury overlap with other causes.
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The poster replied:
Let's hope both of our brains turn out to be fine. Thank you for your opinion.
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Alexander replied:
Hahaha yeah you too man. Had to upvote all the posts in here, it’s a scary thing.
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The poster replied:
Very frightening. To think that the organ which controls everything that we are and do, could be damaged. It gives me great existential worry, and causes me to feel detached from myself.
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Alexander replied:
Yeah I’ve had the past 2 months to think about it and I’ve half reached the stage now of “well, if this is what the cosmos wanted to happen it’s what happened.”
I don’t know if you have any spiritual or metaphysical beliefs. Certainly a brain injury is up there in terms of putting human life on hard mode. But, I also feel it’s an extremely heroic act to suffer it and to live as strongly and nobly as you can anyway. And, in truth to do so means you are stronger and greater than someone without the disability. And, even if you make compromises and live a humbler life, you are really exceeding all those high achievers by suffering this. Something to think about!
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The poster replied:
Thanks alot for the encouragement. Truthfully, I am not a believer in religion. But if I was given enough of a reason to believe in a higher being, I would be all for it. It would be a comforting to know there is another level of existence, with a god in control of it all. Although since I fail to see any convincing evidence, I do believe everything that I am exists within my skull....
I also have much respect to TBI survivors who choose to fight on instead of giving in. Shows extreme mental fortitude and will.
