1.
The "Middle Way" is usually taught to be between the extremes of
asceticism and materialism, though the Buddha's prescription is still for
contemplatives to be nonsexual. There is a famous passage in which the Buddha
rebukes a contemplative for having sexual relations.
The
Buddha
Worthless man, haven't I taught the Dhamma in many ways for the fading of passion, the sobering of intoxication, the subduing of thirst, the destruction of attachment, the severing of the round, the ending of craving, dispassion, cessation, unbinding? Haven't I in many ways advocated abandoning sensual pleasures, comprehending sensual perceptions, subduing sensual thirst, destroying sensual thoughts, calming sensual fevers? Worthless man, it would be better that your penis be stuck into the mouth of a poisonous snake than into a woman's vagina. It would be better that your penis be stuck into the mouth of a black viper than into a woman's vagina. It would be better that your penis be stuck into a pit of burning embers, blazing and glowing, than into a woman's vagina.
A
similarly great spiritual teacher is also quite clear on his thoughts on
sexuality.
Christ
If your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It’s better to enter eternal life (zoe) with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet.
Christ
There are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.
Christ
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Patanjali
- consistent with the yogic idea that through celibacy, "energy" is
gained or the spiritual body is "transformed":
Yoga
Sutras
Brahmacarya pratisthayam, virya labhah[When] continence [is] well established, energy [is] gained
2.
I had a very attractive young girlfriend when I was a teenager. Around this time,
I experienced an "awakening" to begin the spiritual quest.
Two
revelations occurred to me at that age: 1. that my inner world was a mess and
2. that there was a great inner "work" that could be accomplished and
would lead to freedom.
These
realizations made me feel that the relationship was not appropriate, given the
inner work that could be completed. "I should set my inner house in
order," I thought, "before complicating my situation with a
relationship." I ended the relationship and decided to work on these new
revelations. It could not have been a great experience for this young
girlfriend. ;)
3.
A revelation also came to me at this same time about sexuality. I remember the
sense that there was something very "quaint" about human sexuality.
By this I mean I felt a kind of condescension about it, the sense of "oh
that is so charming," as though sexuality was a simple, basic, perhaps
even silly version of something higher. I felt that all the stresses and
conflicts felt by people over it were very silly from the perspective of an
"adult" or an "old soul" (?).
These
intuitions resulted in a very different relationship with sexuality. The idea
of a compulsive pursuit of it become impossible. At the same time, I do not
mean to say that I became "un-sexual."
4.
A sense of contentedness and dispassion developed; and, like one trusts in the
cosmos to deliver one from everything, I expected once progress on the psyche
had been achieved a good relationship would follow. This did not come about.
5.
It is here where one does consider - if one's partner really knows one better
than anyone - an issue with one engaged on this "quest." As it is not
so easy for a partner to fully understand the niceties of this
"work." It is an issue with exploring the ideas of
"esotericism."
6.
When I say that I did not become un-sexual, I mean that it came to me that
human sexuality could reach its highest expression in a sexual
"idyll." That such a thing was possible. However, it also became
clear to me that realizing this ideal was very elusive and (for the most part)
not achievable in the average lifetime.
It
also occurred to me 1. how unimpressive my own physical form was and 2. the
shortcomings of most partners in also meeting such an "ideal." I
realize this may come off as a narcissistic line of reasoning.
There
is a very unique passage from Buddhism which fits this, however:
Nanda
Sutra
Then, taking Ven. Nanda by the arm — as a strong man might flex his extended arm or extend his flexed arm — the Blessed One disappeared from Jeta's Grove and reappeared among the devas of the heaven of the Thirty-three [Tāvatiṃsa]. Now on that occasion about 500 dove-footed nymphs had come to wait upon Sakka, the ruler of the devas. The Blessed One said to Ven. Nanda, "Nanda, do you see these 500 dove-footed nymphs?""Yes, lord.""What do you think, Nanda? Which is lovelier, better looking, more charming: the Sakyan girl, the envy of the countryside, or these 500 dove-footed nymphs?""Lord, compared to these 500 dove-footed nymphs, the Sakyan girl, the envy of the countryside, is like a cauterized monkey with its ears & nose cut off. She doesn't count. She's not even a small fraction. There's no comparison. The 500 dove-footed nymphs are lovelier, better looking, more charming."
We
see that even the pursuit of pleasure and apparent selfishness, if fully
followed, is leading one toward a higher end. Thus, it is important not to
discount sexuality, infatuations, or relationships as antithetical to the
spiritual quest. As while they may be
selfish, un-ideal, or imperfect, they are also expressions of the desire for
union.
7.
A claim sometimes made by spiritual teachers is it is possible to reach a
completely "dispassionate" state. That this is in some way an ideal,
a goal. I was thinking about this in relation to a line from Buddhism:
Secluded from sense pleasures, the aspirant abides in jhana.
The
word "secluded" is what I find interesting here. On the one hand,
"seclusion" suggests a state of dispassion, a state in which one does
not feel the "fire" of desire. At the same time,
"seclusion" also implies a "fleeing," a putting oneself in
a situation in which one is not exposed to temptation. So, it is an interesting
word to use, and suggests there is no ideal dispassionate state.
8.
The values of celibacy are questionable. The idea that continence is
spiritually transformative, or results in the production of new energies, is
questionable. True, the simplification of life is a value; true, the quelling
of passion and the increase of dispassion are a value; and true, the reduction
of conflict and stress are a value. But, there is little to be said for the
practice beyond this.
There
are many contradictions here in all this, but somewhere in it is wisdom.
